


There and Back Again

by tzigane, Zaganthi (Caffiends)



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-17
Updated: 2011-12-17
Packaged: 2017-10-27 10:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/294930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tzigane/pseuds/tzigane, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffiends/pseuds/Zaganthi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Megamind's childhood had been difficult, it would be fair to say that his adolescence was worse. Living in prison hadn't been all that bad; the inmates in his cell block looked on him as their.... child, he supposed. At any rate, it meant that any new inmate was swiftly warned of the dire consequences should he have so much as a hangnail in their presence.</p><p>Knowing double-lifers had its perks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There and Back Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bewize](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bewize/gifts).



> This is a little more gen with a hint of m/m than it actually is full-blown slash. Hope it makes you smile!

If Megamind's childhood had been difficult, it would be fair to say that his adolescence was worse. Living in prison hadn't been all that bad; the inmates in his cell block looked on him as their.... child, he supposed. At any rate, it meant that any new inmate was swiftly warned of the dire consequences should he have so much as a hangnail in their presence.

Knowing double-lifers had its perks.

In the end, the thing of it was that he didn't get out much. The warden liked him under lock and key, and with school having moved up and flown away it wasn't as though he had anywhere to go. The one thing he could always count on was the inmate library. He had heard from his many 'parents' that not all jail and prison libraries were created equal. In fact, his honorary uncle BoBo claimed to have been in a jail once where there had been only a handful of legal books and four Louis L'Amour novels.

Megamind was incredibly grateful that was not the case of the MetroCity Correctional Institute library. Its possession of a variety of textbooks and encyclopedias kept him reasonably occupied.... most of the time.

Most of the time. Sometimes he got bored of finding new ways to fish information to and from other cells, of trying to trip up the warden, of... well, Villainy. Not that Villainy was ever boring, but there were a host of evils he could partake in outside of the prison. A magnificent variety, in point of fact, and no few things that he could do which his various father-and-uncle types would discourage greatly.

Some things, a blue big-headed young man had to do for himself. Preferably without being behind bars and by himself.

That meant that he had very few choices except to go out into the great wide world, and that meant he would have to convince the warden to let him go. It wasn't exactly what he would call a piece of cake, but he was a genius. A mega-genius, even. Surely he could manage to do that without too much trouble!

"I don't know, sir. I don't think that's going to get us out of here legitimately. I mean, the warden...."

"Of course we're not going to get out of here legitimately. It's, it's a _game_ ," he decided, because he already had a lengthy rap sheet just from existing. Just from breathing air, and blowing out the school, and trying to make friends. It was amazing how much trouble he could get into without even trying.

He wanted an opportunity to see how much he could get into with trying.

"Well, sir, I still think it's a bad idea." Minion was such a spoilsport sometimes. A bad idea! How could the pursuit of knowledge ever be a bad idea?

"I'll be back quick enough. You're such a doubter." Always waiting for it to go wrong. If it did go wrong, that just meant he'd be back even sooner. "I can't leave you long, after all."

Robotic hands twisted together worriedly, Minion's eyes wide and uncertain as they watched him. "But sir, using the holographic watch to sneak out and visit a bar just seems so... I don't know. _Seedy_."

"Yes." He grinned a little wildly. "Oh yes, yes it is. And that's just why I want to do it. I want to be... seedy. I want to go out and do seedy, horrible things!"

The metallic press of fingers to glass implied that he was giving Minion a headache. "But sir, seedy things could lead to all kinds of, of bad situations, and I know that you know about things and stuff and, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. This! This is exactly what I am supposed to be protecting you from!"

"What, bars?" He gaped at Minion for a moment, and squinted for a second because really, how much did Minion know and remember from Before? It was hard to guess on most days, but sometimes... sometimes he wondered. "How else am I supposed to be a criminal mastermind if I don't understand simple facets of life like bars?"

"No, not.... yes! Yes, bars. Sir, they are dens of iniquity. Booze and women and drugs and all kinds of things, and you're only two weeks from being eligible for parole following that thing with creating that brainbot!"

Honestly. Minion worried much too much.

"So?" He'd only break his parole and end up back there at some point, so it didn't really matter. He was a villain, after all. It wasn't as if he were going to obey the terms at all, anyway.

Minion's shoulders heaved with his sigh and his bowl dropped forward. "All right," he said finally, looking pitiful. "All right, sir. Let's put together a plan, then." Megamind carefully ignored the mutter-whispering that followed regarding how this would all end.

Namely: badly.

"Excellent." He folded his fingers together for a moment, and then reached for a sheet of paper. "Let's try something subtle this time..."

Yes, indeed. Something deliciously subtle and possibly just a bit pernicious.

He might as well get plenty of bang for his proverbial buck.

* * *

  
"Sir, I'm still not sure about this." Minion was driving the warden's car, a device Megamind had placed in the engine keeping it carefully invisible. "This just isn't going to end well."

"You have no sense of adventure, Minion," Megamind sighed, folding his arms over his chest. "It's an excellent idea."

"Oh, yes, if you want to get drunk and, and, and get arrested, and there will be girls! Girls and, and those are trouble!"

As if they had ever seen more than a few of them. Even then, it was usually someone visiting other inmates through partitioned off glass. "Only if I'm very lucky, then." He wasn't even sure what he would do with girls, any girl, except that he wanted the chance to get out and stretch his legs and not in an exercise yard way.

It wouldn't hurt anything. At least not in any terrible way, he was pretty sure.

"Oh, you say that now! But what if we get moved to a new cell block? Or, or maybe they'll even put us in with _Big John Quinn_!" He was going to need to get Minion some sort of drug, he thought. Something that would make him stop with all of the doom and gloom.

As if they would ever put them in with Big John Quinn!

He snorted. "Please. We could take him. I could take him. Who cares if he's big? I'm smarter. Also, are we there yet? It seems like we've been driving forever." He half suspected Minion was going to get them purposefully lost. The suspicious way he sloshed around implied that he was right.

"Um...."

"Oh for heaven's sake!" The snap of his voice sounded loud in the car. "Minion! We are going to The Garage, and that is final!"

Minion wailed even as he made a U-turn. Ha! He truly was avoiding the bar. "But it's just so _tacky_ , sir!"

"That is precisely why we're going there. How else will I rule over the underworld if I've never seen it except in stories?" He tapped his foot against the floorboard.

A turn to the right and oh! There it was. Just the way he had thought it would be, too. "Well, you managed to make a brainbot without ever having seen one!"

"Because I _made it up_ ," Megamind pointed out. "I can't invent bars and girls -- they already exist. Though I'm sure I can make them better once I have an idea of what I'm building on..."

"Oh god." Minion moaned, but he did parallel park rather neatly considering that he wasn't often a driver. "I can't go in with you. I can't bear to see this."

"I think it's better that way, anyway. It shouldn't take long." Not too long, but not too short, either. "Though you might want to turn off the car. Save on gas, you know?" Although they had stolen one of the guard's credit cards for the purpose along with all of his cash, it was better to hold it in reserve for as long as possible.

That seemed to brighten Minion's evening a bit. "Oh! So I'm the getaway driver. Thanks, sir."

Whatever brightened Minion's day, then. He opened the door after a moment of hesitation, and stepped out, closing it quickly behind him. Now to try to put on a good impression. Luckily enough, there had been a rather young and particularly attractive second-shift guard whose holographic image he had used in order to sneak his way out (and subsequently into the bar). He had been lucky enough to catch him dropping by one afternoon in clothing that was at least semi-appropriate for his plans. Black pants, white shirt, that was pretty appropriate, right?

It seemed good enough, and the watch did the rest. There was no sense in completely blowing his cover for the little experiment, because he was fairly recognizable, though not completely well known everywhere. Not yet, anyway, although he definitely had plans for making sure it wasn't always the case.

Very good plans, in fact. The idea of it made him smile, a little smug.

He opened the bar door and tried not to cough in the swirl of smoke that puffed out of the door when he first opened it. That was completely vile, burning his eyes and his nose. How could anyone be breathing in there?

Madness.

He inhaled, forced air in his lungs and choked again as he staggered forward determinedly. It wasn't as fun as setting something on fire, or a good chemical explosion, that was for sure.

"ID please."

Oh.

Well.

At least he was certain that he had met more frightening individuals –- Uncle BoBo, for example –- but just at the moment, it was difficult to remember that. The guy asking for ID was tall and ugly and he looked as if he had survived a few too many knife fights

Maybe it was time to turn around and go back to Minion after all. Except that was admitting defeat and Megamind did not admit defeat.

"It's uh, hold on..." He started to pat his pockets in the desperate hope that his holograph came with an ID and that it would be good enough. "It's been a while since I've been carded."

That gained him a grunt, and the scary man reached out. Megamind couldn't help squeaking in reaction. "Whatever. Five bucks."

"Right." He thrust five bucks at the beast, and didn't shirk away when he took the money. Excellent -- and now he was in. There had to be a profit margin in charging money to enter a smoky den of iniquity, didn't there? After all, there was an original capital investment followed by what seemed quite clearly to him to be a sincere lack of upkeep. It could be quite the excellent way to make money.

Then again, he would always just steal it. It seemed easier than getting money five dollars at a time.

Giant Scary Guy reached out again and Megamind managed to keep himself from squeaking as his hand was stamped with a bright green star. "Bar's to the left. Dance floor's to the right."

He started towards the Bar, because Bars were integral parts of Bars, and thus the Bar scene. And he could drink, which Minion would complain about, but it had to be better than the pruno he'd seen passed around.

Then again, almost anything had to be better than that. The smell alone was horrific. Not as bad as Uncle BoBo's brother (which was a long explanation, and he tried not to think about it), but still.

With his hopes high, he sauntered over to the bar and sat down on a three legged barstool that had very likely started its life as a four legged barstool. It wobbled precariously, making his eyes open wide as he shifted uncertainly, trying to settle himself without showing that he was off-balance.

"What'll y'have." Flat not-quite-a-question, and goodness, weren't they so friendly at The Garage. Clearly this wasn't the best choice he could have made.

"Uh, beer." Beer was both safe and non-specific, though he supposed he could've added 'cheap beer' but that was unnecessary information in a place that looked so dingy. He settled more comfortably on his crooked barstool, and started to look around.

Nothing was all that surprising, really; lots of smoke, racks of glasses, liquor bottles with names on them that he couldn't recognize at all. Names like _Tequila Rose_ and _Everclear_ and _Kahlua_ and _White Horse_. He had absolutely no idea what they meant, but it all seemed to be in fair demand, enough that he was left looking at the drinks as they passed around and wondering how many of them it would take before someone went falling off of their wobbly seats.

Probably not many. He slouched a little, and reached for his 'beer' while he surveyed the crowd. It was amber and in a glass, so he supposed it was drinkable. There was no way for him to know for sure, and so he reached out and took a swallow, perhaps longer than he should have because....

 _Ugh_.

That was nowhere near as pleasant as his various uncles made it out to be, and if purchased liquor tasted as terrible as that, then the fermenting concoctions in the back of various cells even at this very moment must be completely unbearable.

"Whoa, girls, it's all right! There's plenty to go around."

He knew that voice.

Megamind turned his head, looking towards the sound with a startle because there was no way it could possibly be him. No way at all, except he knew that smug grin, that arrogant tilt of jaw, and no. Just.. no, because this was _his_ night, his experiment. What was that smug, self-important ass doing in his bar?

"Girls, hey, aw... yeah. Yeah, I'll dance. Only two at a time, okay?" As if he were God's gift to women. Ha!

Maddening. Megamind took a swig of his beer, and stormed over towards the huge arrogant oaf, who was always better than the other kids, who always got what he wanted, who didn't deserve any of it. With his goodness and his, his...

"Oh! Hey. Boys, too, huh?" Blue-green eyes pinned him like a laser, and he gulped. "I'm down with that."

What? No, no, that wasn't... "H-hi." Oh god, he sounded like an idiot.

"Hello, there, random party-goer." What was that purring thing all about? "Girls, girls. You don't have to leave just because my friend here is coming with us."

"I am?" His voice shouldn't have gone up like that, so he cleared his throat and tried again. "Sure, absolutely." Where were they going?

A few of the ladies were walking away, but others were staying, and... yes, those looks would have had Uncle BoBo threatening someone. Most likely with death. He would have meant it, too. "Just going to have a little private party, my man. I'm sure you don't mind it, right?"

...right?

"Right. And you're..." Amazing, and the smug bastard probably already knew it. If he'd been blue and bigheaded he wouldn't have said a thing, but Megamind had never minded trying on someone else's body. Not that he would have admitted it for love or money.

"Everything you've been looking for," the bastard purred. If only he could remember his name! "Come on, girls. Me and my friend here are going to show you a fantastic time."

Him _and_ girls? And beer, but he could ignore the beer, because that jawline, that jaw! He leaned into him just for a moment, and then the smug bastard started to walk forwards, towards the door. Out, out of the bar and off to who cared where. Megamind didn't think about it very much, particularly not when one of the ladies (although that term seemed questionable to him at this particular moment) grabbed his arm and pulled him along with them.

The smoke seemed to grow worse as they went and he choked again, coughing and sputtering as they moved through the crowd to leave.

"C'mon," the ridiculously attractive young man ahead of him declared, tilting a grin that practically gleamed his way. He paused and waited for Megamind to catch up and then murmured, "Don't worry. It'll be the ride of your life."

"Oh, I'm not worried." Ride of his life. He wasn't even sure what he was imagining just then, except it seemed very exciting. They staggered up a couple of steps, and then pressed outside of the door and into fresh air. It probably shouldn't have surprised him when he found himself with his shoulder blades against the ramshackle bricks that made up the bar's front wall and his mouth captured in a kiss that made his knees go weak beneath the onslaught of it. It took him a while to close his eyes, but when he finally did it was like the world had dropped away from beneath him.

When it finally stopped, he couldn't quite bring himself to open them again, even when that voice husked out a single statement. "That's good." Whether it meant the fact that he wasn't worried or the kiss, Megamind had no idea.

He sighed agreement, a hand lingering on the guy's arm for a moment before he inhaled finally, remembering to breath. "We should go. Wherever you want to go. We should..."

"Sir!?"

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, nooooo. "Minion! Now is not the time!"

"Sir, now is exactly the time!"

What's-his-name turned towards Minion, frowning. "Hey, c'mon. There's enough to... erm. Go a... except clearly not enough to go around for you."

He was almost glad it was dark, because it possibly masked the, well, the fact that Minion was a minion. Still, he squawked when Minion reached out a hand and grabbed him. "No, wait -- I just got here!"

"Sir, you really need to come with me." There was a pause and then a low, mean mutter. "I would hate to tell BoBo about all of this."

"Who's BoBo?"

"Very scary uncle." He grimaced, because if Minion said anything... He didn't even want to think about it. He didn't know what BoBo would do, or more precisely say to or about him if he were to be, well.

Damn Minion, anyway.

"Sir, I think you should come home now. We've been out. It's enough, isn't it?"

No. No, it hadn't been enough. There was a lot more he wanted to do, but Minion was pulling at his arm, tugging him back towards their stolen car.

"Hey, c'mon. We're still going to have a party," Obnoxiously-Hot-Guy insisted. He was all broad and absurdly attractive. Megamind had never thought he was into that sort of thing, but he supposed he was after all. "Even your... okay, no, I think that would scare off the ladies."

"That's okay, hot and stupid. We've got to go. C'mon." He pulled at Megamind, and Megamind was sure he gave a very valiant flail in response. Clearly he shouldn't have designed Minion's chassis to be super-strong just in case he needed him to beat someone up in order to protect him because he was being dragged along the sidewalk until they reached the car, invisible or not.

"If you ever wanna come back and party again...!" that deep voice yelled.

Minion snapped at him. "Then I feel sure we'll find somewhere less seedy!"

"But I wanted seedy. Someone, he, we were going to go to a party and it was going to be _very seedy_!" He wasn't whining, wouldn't, didn't whine.

"Yes!" Minion agreed, stuffing him into the car before coming round it and getting in on the driver's side. "Yes, it was! It was also going to be the kinds of things that people are warned off about with you, and if BoBo or Poe Boy either one found out, then what? Then they would break out and he'd be dead and then where would we all be?"

"Back in prison. Where we're already headed back to," he deadpanned, slouching down into his seat. it was hard not to peer out the window, watching sharp and handsome look briefly... briefly confused before he moved on.

"Yes, exactly!" As if that made any sort of sense at all. "We're talking going from level three felonies straight to level ones! Homicide _is_ still illegal, sir." The engine revved as the car pulled away from the curb.

"I wasn't going to kill him!" Not after that kiss. He wanted more kisses, he wanted more than he already had. Things that now he was never going to have.

Dammit.

Minion cleared his throat and made a sharp turn. "Um. No, sir, not you. On the homicide thing, I mean. That would be BoBo and Poe Boy."

"They already have life sentences," he pointed out as he tried to settle back into his seat after the turn flung him into the door.

"Well, yes, but..."

Oh. It was giving him a headache, and so he growled and leaned back in his seat, covering his face with his hands. Better to let it wash over his head in a stream of blahblahblahblah than to keep listening.

There was no fixing Minion. Of course, what did he expect from an amphibian who'd never seen another of his type?

By the time they got back to the MetroCity Correctional Institute, he had slunk so low in his seat that he had practically melted into it, sulking every mile of the way. Blah blah dangerous blah blah venereal diseases blah blah don't you remember Roberto whose penis rotted off with that very nasty infection. Oh, thank you, Minion, for the safe sex discussion, except not so much, no. With Minion around, he wasn't ever going to have sex, so why did he need to know about safe sex? Idiot, unbelievable idiot, wasting a good opportunity like that.

"Sir, we should, um. We should maybe go inside now?"

Great. Just what he wanted to do.

"Oh yes, yes. Back to prison, where I'm never going to get laid." Not that he needed to be complaining about that, because he wasn't really interested in any of the inmates or the guards and that was a horrifying prospect. Better to focus on sneaking back to his cell.

Minion blinked at him. "Well, sir, you're going to get out eventually. Um. Maybe then?" Oh, right, as if he wanted to wait that long.

Two weeks. Ugh. "I don't want to hear you making the same excuses then that you did this time."

"Of course not, sir. I'll prepare all new excuses for you."

Fantastic.

Sulking, he got out of the car and stalked inside, going past guards with confused faces and startled inmates. Whoever was in control still opened all of the doors, though, and that was the important part. Once he got to the proper door, he killed the holograph and sneered up at the guard who was blinking down at him.

Gave a wave, because there was nothing they could prove at all, and stepped back into his cell with a smile. Bastards. Well, Minion would see just what he'd get up to when they paroled him, now that he'd had a taste of freedom.

"Hey. Kid."

Fantastic. Uncle BoBo. He looked suspicious and scary, but Megamind had long since learned that he had something of a soft-spot for sadly lost kids.

"Hello." He settled back on his thin crackling mattress with a sigh. "Well, that was a bust."

"Aw, kid. I told ya that ya didn't wanna go." Heavy footsteps shuffled across the concrete floor and he felt the end of his bunk give beneath the man's heavy weight. "Or maybe ya hadda oughta took me or Poe Boy. Minion's kinda limitin' on the fun stuff."

Oh god, they probably would've smashed the pretty man. He shook his head, bringing a hand up to the bridge of his nose. "No, it's probably for the best. Maybe."

"Yeah." Yeah, and Uncle BoBo got up from the bunk. He thought that would be that, but then he heard the water cut on and left to run while BoBo fumbled for something in the window. When he came back a few minutes later, it was with a cup of lukewarm hot chocolate and a heavy pat on the head. "Could be worse, kid. Nobody died. It's hard to beat a homicide rap."

He exhaled, and laughed, lifting the hot chocolate to his mouth not at all nervously. No, not at all.

It had been a busy night, and he thought that perhaps, in a couple of weeks, he might go back to The Garage... without Minion, he thought.

That decision made, he sipped his lukewarm drink and curled his mouth upwards. "Yeah," he agreed with Uncle BoBo. "It kind of is."


End file.
